I Ain’t Calling You a Liar

The other day I was having a heated conversation with a dear friend in which he claimed that I said something in a prior conversation.

“You said X,” he stated, to which I responded, “No, that’s a false statement!”

My friend’s response: “Oh, so now you’re calling me a liar?”

“No,” I responded, “just because you’re factually wrong about something doesn’t make you a liar.”

Notice that my friend confused being factually wrong with a lie. A lie is intending to affirm something as true when you know that it is not true. In the exchange, my friend was intending to affirm something as true which he thought to be true. Hence, no lie was committed, nor did I perceive one to be committed.

This was an eye-opening experience for me. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to what a lie is. I initially thought that my friend’s understanding of a lie was restricted to cable news personalities (including those I enjoy) who attack politicians by labeling everything they say as a “lie” when it could very well be an honest mistake.

Lesson learned: never assume that your interlocutor knows nuanced philosophical distinctions.

Being an apologist can get you into trouble when having normal conversations with your friends. Yet it can also get you out of trouble by clarifying misunderstandings that would otherwise ruin a friendship.